you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
