Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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