I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
