She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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