I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
