She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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