why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
