There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need to align my fucking chakras
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