youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
