I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
