yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
