just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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