i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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