I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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