Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
