The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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