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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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