Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
