Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
