It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
