why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
