I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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