On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
