Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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