Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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