Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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