I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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