thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
