You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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