can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
