Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
