Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
