have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
