Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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