I hate your face
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
