dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
