It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
