My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
