I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
