Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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