New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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