I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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