I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
