oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
