can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
