Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
