wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
