My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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