I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
