i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
