do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Randomize
