he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
